Yet More Unanswered Questions... (6/4/98)

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station...

I must always remember that I'm unique, just like everyone else.

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

If FEDEX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

I think everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us don't have film.

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?

What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

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• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• How do I set my laser printer to stun?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Yet More Unanswered Questions... (2/13/98)

• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, Is he still wrong?

Contributed by Dick Scholz
erscholz@shore.net

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More Unanswered Questions...

• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
• What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
• Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
• Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?
• Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
• Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
• Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• How does a thermos know when to keep something hot, hot... and something cold, cold?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?
• Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• Where are Preparations A through G?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?--- Or maybe I'll just have a big bunch of purples.
• Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

The Original List

• What is the speed of dark?
• When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
• Why are the Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
• How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
• What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
• After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
• What's another word for synonym?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
• Why isn't there a mouse flavored cat food?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
• How can there be self-help groups?
• Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why they're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• What happened to the first 6 "Ups"?
• Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
• If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
• It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
• I lost a button hole.
• I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.
• Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
• Sponges grow in the ocean? I wonder how much deeper the oceans would if that didn't happen.
• Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
• If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
• I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
• What's another word for Thesaurus?
• You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
• If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
• I planted some bird seed. A bird grew. Now I don't know what to feed it.
• You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment?
• The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
• I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
• I busted my mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
• When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenver we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
• I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
• I have an answering machine in my car. It says "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.

And finally....

• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
• It's not hard to meet expenses--they're everywhere.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Department of Redundancy Department
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• Be nice to your kids -- they'll choose your nursing home.
• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2