At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."
On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy"
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."
At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament-Ears pierced"
Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."
In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."
On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."
On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says,
"Do not throw stones at this sign."
Todd Booth
In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most people 15 to 19.
In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
On a movie marquee: Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without permission.
On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.