Actual Medical Chart Notes

 

~ Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

~ Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

~ On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared.

~ The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

~ The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

~ Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

~ Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

~ The patient refused autopsy.

~ The patient has no previous history of suicides.

~ Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

~ Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

~ Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

~ She is numb from her toes down.

~ The skin was moist and dry.

~ Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

~ Patient was alert and unresponsive.

~ I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

~ The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

~ Skin: somewhat pale but present.

~ Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

--courtesy of John and Barbara Wesley

 

 

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