MORE FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID) A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR HOSPITALS.

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

The skin was moist and dry

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

What Kind of Medical Treatment is This?

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.
  • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
  • I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
  • Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • The patient refused an autopsy.
  • The patient has no past history of suicides.
  • The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
  • The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  • The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

Submitted by: FranCMT @ aol.com