Mathematics of Life

 

  ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

•    Smart man + smart woman = romance
•    Smart man + dumb woman = affair
•    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
•    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

  OFFICE ARITHMETIC  

•    Smart boss + smart employee = profit
•    Smart boss + dumb employee = production  
•    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
•    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

   SHOPPING MATH  

•    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
•    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

   GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS  

•    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
•    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
•    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
•    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

   HAPPINESS

•      To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
•      To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand  her at all.

   LONGEVITY

•      Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more  willing to die.

   PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

•      A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
•      A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
    

  HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

•      Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started  doing the same  thing to them at funerals.

 - courtesy of Jeanette Haskins