Practice Courtesy in Borrowing and Lending

By Rainer Salomaa

"It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same."
(Philip Gibbs)

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting."
(Elizabeth Princess Bibesco)

"Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more."
(Addison H. Hallock)

HESE STATEMENTS were made by people who had firsthand experience with a reality of life -- borrowing and lending. Improperly handled, it can be frustrating to be on either side of the table. Offences have occurred. Friendships have been ruined. Attitudes have been tested.

One man recently told me about a rifle that he loaned to someone during hunting season. He was glad to do it. After hunting season, spring arrived, but not his rifle. He asked if he could have it back. "I'm sorry, I forgot! I'll bring it to you next weekend," he was told. Three weeks later, he asked again for his rifle. The man had forgotten again. Another three weeks passed and he asked once more. "Why do you want it back anyway?" he was asked. Taken aback by the question, he said he might want it for target practice, or to clean it, or maybe to store it away. He finally got his rifle back, but the incident strained their relationship.

Another man told me about a car he lent with the understanding that in the event of an accident, the borrower would pay for damages. Unfortunately, there was an accident and even worse, the man was unable to pay even the deductible on the car insurance. The owner had to pay, plus he lost his safe driver's discount of 40 percent. The whole ordeal cost him about $2,000.

Offences, hurts, and bad attitudes result when we borrow from and lend to our friends and acquaintances. It's a fact of life. We start young by borrowing toys from our brothers and sisters, money from our co-workers, sugar from the neighbour, and end up asking to use someone's cane in the old age home. A few helpful principles will help avoid offence:

1. If you can't replace it, think twice about borrowing it.

REMEMBER what it says in Proverbs 22:7: "The borrower is servant to the lender." The owner calls the shots. He has control. The law is on his side so you have to please him and suit his terms. What if you lose it? What if it's stolen? What if it breaks? Can you afford to replace it? Is it replaceable? Do you really need it that badly? For some items like expensive tools, machines, or vehicles, it is wiser to rent than borrow. Public libraries -- not your friends -- are a good source of books, records and videos. Banks and lending institutions are there to lend money. They objectively check our ability to repay.

No matter who we borrow from, a Christian's responsibility is to repay. In Psalm 37:21 God says, "The wicked borrow, and do not repay." Remember, if you can't replace it, think twice about borrowing it.

2. Don't put people on the spot.

THERE ARE MANY things in life we want, but don't need. If there are genuine needs our friends and associates know about, they will usually offer help. A person can make their need known and let God's love expressed through others reciprocate. Most of us have heard of tragedies where a home has burned down, leaving a family destitute. In most cases, they were inundated with all kinds of items for the necessities of life.

It's different when, say, a 16-year-old asks an adult friend, "Can I borrow your new Mercedes convertible so my friends and I can go out Saturday night?" At this point, Matthew 5:42 might come to mind: "Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." But this would be misapplying the scripture. Christ wants us to love our neighbours as ourselves, yet be wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). This involves discerning needs versus wants. Notice Psalm 112:5: "A good man deals graciously and lends; he will guide his affairs with discretion" (New King James Version).

God is the perfect example of generosity. He is fabulously wealthy because he owns everything, yet he doesn't always give us what we ask for. He evaluates what is best for us. He gives us what we need, not what we may want. He knows how to strike a balance between not spoiling us and yet being generous.

3. Return borrowed items promptly in the same or better condition than when borrowed.

APPLY THE GOLDEN RULE in Matthew 7:12 to borrowing. If you borrow it, return it. If it breaks, fix it. If you lose it, replace it. This principle is covered in Exodus, where God told ancient Israel, "If a man borrows an animal from his neighbour, and it is injured or died when the owner is not present, he must make restitution" (chapter 22, verse 14).

4. Keep a list

ONE PERSON I KNOW keeps track of what he lends using a clipboard to mark the date, item and borrower. How often do you look for something in vain, then vaguely remember that you lent it out? You start calling those who might have it. Finally, muttering unkind words about everyone in general, you give up and go buy a replacement.

There are few things more awkward than tracking down an item as it's passed from one person to another. A few years ago, my wife had to track down a shirt that our teenage daughter lent to a friend. That friend had lent it to another friend and it ended up in the car of someone that he knew. It took the skill of Sherlock Holmes and the diplomacy of Henry Kissinger to get the shirt back.

If you have memory problems, it might be a good idea to keep a list of borrowed items. Then you might remember where that screw driver came from or whose book you're reading.

5. Be prepared to take a loss.

WE NEED TO REALIZE that people are imperfect, forgetful, sometimes dishonest, and have character flaws. Some are plain poor and needy. Realize that if you lend something out, you might never get it back. Old Testament laws taught generosity, compassion, and forgiveness on the part of the lender. Israelites couldn't exact interest from poor neighbours (Exodus 22:25; Leviticus 25:35-38). Important pledges had to be returned overnight (Exodus 22:26-27). When returning pledges, the poor borrower had a right to maintain dignity (Deuteronomy 24:10-11). Debts were forgiven every seven years (Deuteronomy 15:1-6).

Generosity was encouraged even as the seventh year approached (Deuteronomy 15:7-11). God said that He would reimburse a compassionate lender: "He who is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward him for what he has done" (Proverbs 19:17).

When you lend, realize you might never get the item back. Don't be offended. "The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (Romans 14:17). Strive not to offend. "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble" (I Peter 3:8). Practice courtesy. It will lubricate the friction arising from personal differences and will reduce offence in this sensitive area.

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