A TEXAN'S ADVICE ON LIFE

1. Don't squat with your spurs on.
2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
3. Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
4. Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
5. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
6. If you get to thinking you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
7. A good horse never comes in a bad color. 
8. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.  He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.  The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
9. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
10. There's two theories to arguing' with a woman.  Neither one works.
11. Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.  Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
12. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
13. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
14. Always drink upstream from the herd.
15. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
16. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
17. Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.  It's not so important to know what it is, but you might need to know what it was.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
19. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 

- courtesy of Mike Snyder