The following were taken from real resumes and cover letters. They were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune magazine:
1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3. I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people.
8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if evey forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
12. Marital status: single, Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No
13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and
16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a midwest chain
21. Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have
never quit a job.
22. Marital status: often. Children: various.
23. Reason for leaving last job: they insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I could not work under those
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
25. Finished eight in my class of ten.
26. References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
--courtesy of Janet Treadway