These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:
1) I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2) I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.
3) Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4) Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
5) Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
6) Its best for employers that I not work with people.
7) Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
8) You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
9) Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
10) I was working for my Mom until she decided to move.
11) Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
12) Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
13) I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14) I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
15) I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.