Thoughts on Growing Old
- Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I
forget the other two.
- You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as
long as you don't have to go along.
- Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.
- Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every
man. Isn't that the worst time for a guy to get those odds?
- You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start
confiding in you.
- Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
- Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun
to grow in the middle.
- A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his
doctor instead of by the police.
- You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the
only thing you care to exercise.
- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through
- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get
- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.
- The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
- Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that
you are not a hypochondriac.
- You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
- Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
- When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself
if there is anything else you need to do while you are down
- You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember
if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.