You know you're Canadian if :

  1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
  2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk". (for you non-Canadians, that's whole milk aka homogenized)
  3. You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
  4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
  5. You drink pop, not soda.
  6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
  7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh?!"
  8. You can drink legally while still a teen.
  9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
  10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
  11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
  12. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
  13. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
  14. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
  15. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
  16. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
  17. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap."
  18. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
  19. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
  20. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
  21. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
  22. You participated in "Participaction."
  23. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale,"What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
  24. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
  25. Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian passport.
  26. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
  27. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
  28. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
  29. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
  30. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
  31. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
  32. You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
  33. You know what a toque is.
  34. You have some memento of Bob and Doug.
  35. You know Toronto is not a province.
  36. You never miss "Coach's Corner".
  37. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.


Some things that are cool about Canada:

  1. Crispy Crunch.
  2. Smarties.
  3. The size of Canadian footballs, football fields, and one less down.
  4. The fact that the new "world cup" trophy is too gay for words when compared to the old Canada Cup trophy.
  5. Lacrosse is Canadian.
  6. Hockey is Canadian.
  7. Basketball is Canadian.
  8. The biggest flags ever seen at the Olympic closing ceremonies were Canadian (twice...and the second one was smuggled in against a rule that was made because of the first one).
  9. Mr Dressup better than Mr Rogers
  10. Way better beer commercials
  11. Much Music better than MTV.
  12. Maple Syrup better than Mrs Butterworths (I don't know about Aunt Jemima).
  13. Tim Hortons better than Dunkin Donut's.
  14. In the war of 1812 we burned the White house and most of Washington.
  15. Canada has the largest French population in the world that never surrendered to Germany.
  16. Our "Civil war" was led by a drunken, insane William Lyon McKenzie.
  17. Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little less than an hour.
  18. The only person arrested and hanged after our civil war was an American mercenary who slept in and missed the whole fight, showing up just in time to get caught.
  19. We knew plaid flannel was cool way before Seattle did.
  20. The Hudson Bay company once owned 1/11th of the Earth's surface.
  21. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a grown human in less than three minutes.
  22. We don't have much of a taste for powdered bear testicles, but we know who does, and we're willing to sell them.
  23. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
  24. We don't marry our kinfolk.
  25. We invented snowmobiles, jet skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, and the handles on cardboard beer cases.
  26. We can hum the theme to "Definition".
  27. We know that any scale that says water boils at 212 and freezes at 32 is assinine.
  28. We've all frozen our tongues to something metal, and lived to tell about it.
  29. We wear socks with our sandals.
  30. We can outdrink Americans.

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