Birth Order Humor

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your ob-gyn confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your regular clothes ARE your maternity clothes.

The Baby's Name:

1st baby: You pore over baby name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Sounds good to me!

Preparing for Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing regularly.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that, last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in the eighth month.

The Layette:

1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure the clothes are clean and discard only those with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?


1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown -- you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick up the baby when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.


1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swim and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.


1st baby: You photograph every second of the poor kid's existence.
2nd baby: You photograph the kid on birthdays, Christmas or other holidays.
3rd baby: When grandparents ask for a photo, you retouch one of the others.

courtesy of Joe Horchak

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