Real classified ads

   

The following were actually taken  from classified ads in newspapers:

   Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog.

   Free puppies:   ½ cocker spaniel -  ½ sneaky neighbor's dog

   Free puppies...part German shepherd  - part stupid dog

   German shepherd 85 lbs.  neutered. Speaks German. Free. 

   Found: dirty white dog.  Looks like a rat...been out awhile.. better be reward.

   Amana washer $100.  Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

   Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days.

   2 wire mesh butchering gloves:  1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15

   Nordic track $300  hardly used, call Chubbie

   Shakespeare's pizza - free chopsticks

   Hummels - largest selection ever  "if it's in stock, we have it!"

   Harrisburg postal employees gun club

   Georgia peaches California grown -   89 cents lb.

   Nice parachute: never opened - used once slightly stained

   Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.

   American flag -  60 stars - pole included  $100

   Tired of working for only $9.75 per  hour?   We offer profit sharing and  flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

   Our sofa seats the whole mob and it's made of 100% Italian leather.

   Lawyer says client is not that guilty.

   Body shapers toning salon -  free coffee & donuts

   For sale by owner -  complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.  Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or  best offer. No longer needed.  Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

 - courtesy of  Rick & Beverly Clowdus